[As Seen on TV] The Step By Step Mixing System 1,000™
Do you ever wonder what an over the top infomercial for a piece of audio gear would sound like?
Of course not, that’s ridiculous.
Luckily for you, I like thinking about ludicrous things so I came up with my own infomercial script for a laugh.
Imagine a pristine TV studio kitchen and behind the counter, you have Joey, the audio engineer:
He deadpans into the camera and asks:
“Are you tired of your mixes sounding muddy and harsh? Do your drums sound weak and clutter up the low-end? Are your guitars harsh and piercing and getting in the way of the vocals?”
You nod along because you do remember having those problems with the last mix you did.
Then he abruptly shouts:
“THEN YOU NEED THE STEP BY STEP MIXING SYSTEM!”
And magically, the Step By Step Mixing blender appears out of nowhere.
Joey goes on, way too enthusiastically:
“The Step By Step Mixing System helps you create a balanced mix in NO TIME! The EQ setting creates separation between your instruments. The compression knob adds punch and tightness while retaining dynamics in your song. The reverb and delay switch adds an extra flavor of depth and imaging and last but not least, the saturation knob takes your mix to the next level, adding smoothness and warmth.”
And then there’s the obligatory:
But WAAAAAAAIT! There’s MORE!”
“If you order TODAY you also get the Translation Blade 1,000,000™
It’ll help make your mix sound good on EVERY speaker without you needing to buy any new plug-ins OR new gear!”
At that point, the infomercial probably shoots over to some poor college students eating Ramen and using USB microphones because they couldn’t afford anything else after drowning in student loan debt from Fullsail.
Then Joey says, off camera:
“You don’t need to drown in student loan debt to learn mixing from a fancy audio school. All you need to do is put your instruments into the Step By Step Mixing system and it’ll do the mixing for you!”
“The five processors of the Step By Step Mixing system are the ONLY ones you need. EQ, compression, reverb, delay and saturation will give you a polished and professional mix without the headache of buying every new plug-in that comes your way.”
“And best of all, it works on EVERY genre. Whether you’re adding metal ingredients from your dark warehouse, the flowery folk from your hipster garden, or crushing up your brand new blend of ultra addictive MDMA, the Step By Step Mixing System slices, dices and chops regardless of what you put in it! In short, it’ll blend everything together to make your mixes stand out and jump from the speakers!”
“There you have it, folks! Get the Step By Step Mixing blender for a ridiculously low price and learn to create great mixes using only 5 plug-ins! We’ll even PAY FOR THE SHIPPING AND HANDLING!
If you want to get amazing mix results from ANY DAW using only EQ, compression, reverb, delay and saturation then head on over to www.StepByStepMixing.com and get your copy today!”
That’s how I envision my infomercial to be. Over the top and hysterically stupid.
If, however, you actually thought that was funny and you’d like a copy, then use the link above to grab your copy on Amazon 🙂
You can also get the Step By Step Mixing eBook for free as a bonus with my Quick Mixing package until Tuesday. After that, I’ll be concentrating on promoting it exclusively through Amazon.
Have a great weekend,
If you’re a graphic artist or an animator and would like to help me make that into a real comic or a cartoon, then please get in touch!
Keeping Track, Music Mixing