Why Can’t Celebrities Name Their Babies What They Want in Iceland?
Celebrities have it real rough in Iceland.
Because you can’t just name your baby whatever you want.
There’s a FINITE list of first names you can be named, and there’s even a naming committee that’s responsible for approving and rejecting the new batch of names that come in every year.
This is a tax-payer funded agency, so if you’re a small government libertarian I bet you’re foaming at the mouth right now!
Talk about overzealous government outreach right? Just a shady agency made up of a bunch of weirdos with oversized control issues deciding what names parents can baptize their children with.
I’m not making this up!
They all meet in a secret igloo, wearing horned helmets and drink mead, like some D-List Illuminati that couldn’t even be extras in Eyes Wide Shut. These are the people responsible for whether a name is Icelandic enough to warrant approval.
Ok, that last thing about the igloos is made up.
So celebrities can’t just go around naming their children Apple, Blue Ivy, and certainly not Usher.
Because we’re a country of only 340,000 people, we don’t care if you just make up your occupation in the phonebook. It’s already sorted by first name, so it’s pretty chaotic anyway.
So if you want to be Usher, you can add that as your profession, NOT your first name.
There’s even a wall in downtown Reykjavik that has the entire list wrapped around the building from A to Ö. (We don’t have Z in the alphabet, so it’s A to Ö).
Whenever couples are ready to have kids they make the pilgrimage to the wall of names to find one they like.
They stand on opposite corners for efficiency, screaming name ideas to the other person.
“What do you think about Guðmundur?”
“Nah, I don’t want to raise an old man.”
“Ok, what about Jökull?”
“Ugh, I don’t know if I need two frat boys in the family.”
Because, although Jökull means glacier and is kind of a cool name, culturally it’s like naming your kid Brock.
However, as much as a finite list of names is weird; it’s also oddly comforting.
There’s no decision anxiety. There’s no imposed stress about being original. That’s the list so make the most of it!
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